Clever or Wiser, Whatsoever, It's About Becoming Better

Lately I came across to this quote by Rumi "Yesterday I was clever, so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself." Something occurred and I decided to write as this quote took me through my life, like a journey. Just in seconds I could time travel, I could see myself in all the phases of life through all the ups and downs, through all the deeds and misdeeds, through all the rational and irrational decisions of my life.

It very much reminds me of my youth when I wanted to change everything around me except myself. A girl from a small town, with less or I believe no dream to achieve anything. Craft and Creativity was something I knew and known for... Impulsive and grumpy, sometimes careless about everything. The only expectation I had from life was to be at peace and graceful. But it always happened just the opposite of what I wanted from it. Yet I never mind it much and kept on dealing with it in my own cleverly ways and sometimes obnoxious too. And life kept on happening in its own way, and I kept on going in my own ways, and I believe the only thing missing in between me and life was synchronization. As if, I was extremely rebellious to do just opposite of what life presented to me, as if I was so very much determined to change everything around me, lot many as ifs you know...

I was clever, hahahaha... I don't know either, but today, I could recall all the events and occasions wherein I tried to be so smart and extremely clever to have courage to change the outcomes and everything and anything around me for that matter. I could recall how I had a tendency to take risks, to fight back, to think that I have the power to change outside circumstances. How audacious I was, to make impulsive decisions, to think that I can amend those decisions any time.. Never bothered to actually ponder on how decisions once taken cannot be amended. How on earth I was so desperate to take the road less travelled by, how sure I was that everything is going to be fine, how frantically I behaved when someone behaved ill with me, how I gave back to people who mistreated me, and I think it's not only me who have this tendency of taking things for granted and thinking, oh I have the ability to do anything, change anything.. but I believe this was very very temporary and with time everything changes and this has also changed. Though age doesn't brings maturity along with it but of course something changes, which is eternal.

Then, what has changed in me, why suddenly I have stopped taking shits, why I have stopped retaliating on things, why now I don't bother about others, why I don't feel like giving back, why so much of change in same ME... too many WHYs these days, I think I am full of abrupt WHYs... I was not like this even six months back. How everything changed so suddenly, is it age which brought all these changes or something else has begun to take toll on me. No, I don't think this is the reason. You know these days, as I am not working full time, so I get enough time to introspect, to ponder, to contemplate, to reflect and so on, sometimes the process of reflecting, contemplating seems like brooding or over thinking... How I realized that it could be over thinking when I started to loose my lustrous hair. As it is said loosing hair without any other medical cause is the harbinger of over thinking.. Any ways, my hair is not the reason to write all this... somehow I will have them back or else have some new experiment with them.. to be called CHANGE. It's easy!! I wish life was as easy as any hairstyle.... 

Yeah, I was talking about what has changed in me, as I said I introspect a lot all these days. In order to get the answer for these WHYs I have had done too much, visited tarot card reader, numerologist, astrologer, did a name change and what not. Oh God!! Can't believe myself now. Only while contemplating I realized nothing has changed in me. I am the same ME, and I believe nothing can ever change me and that is the uniqueness in being ME. It's just I have come to terms with life. However, it does not at all mean that I have given up, no that's not the idea of life for me, it's just I have slowed down a little. Coming to terms with life may not appear a great idea to few but with it comes the peace of mind, the serenity, the contentment and much more. I have just started to scour the layers within, which have been dusted due to myriad reasons until now. 

Well, clever or wiser, whatsoever, it's about something else, about becoming better, better version of yourself. In between everything good or bad, small or big, what I could learn is, "we humans have the capacity to cause change and influence, to progress and grow." Life will keep on happening until the last breathe the way it wants to be, the least I can do to help myself is just be better, and I am in the process.... 

Clever or Wiser, Whatsoever, It's About Becoming Better

-Joy